Another Lesson in Motherhood

Even if you tell your 3 year old son not to touch your ultra sharp fabric scissors, he will touch them and end up cutting the couch in the process.

Poop Happens

Seriously? I can't believe what just happened. And all I can think about is that infamous bumper sticker "Poop Happens" (edited for language).

In an effort to get my potty training son to go #2 in the toliet, after two previous sprints to the bathroom, I decided to have him go diaper-less. I thought, he'll never go poop without his diaper on. I pictured him telling me he had to poop and we'd go into the bathroom, unload the waste, then eat m&m's to celebrate the potty victory.

Diaper is off and we have our first attempt. David is playing and he looks at me and says, "Poop Poop, Mommy." False alarm, but at this point I'm giving myself a mental pat on the back for having such a good idea.

Not just two minutes after our failed attempt, David walks into the hallway. Seconds later he comes out saying, "Look! Look! Mommy, look! Yucky poop poop."

You're kidding, right?!

Nope.

There it was. In all it's poopy glory. A large toddler terd on the floor in my hallway. The very thing I never thought would happen.

And so I enter a new stage of motherhood in which I pick-up my little boy's poop off the floor. Hooray.

Motherhood Lesson #437

Just because I do not allow my child's inappropriate behavior, doesn't mean he won't behave inappropriately.

The Power of a Praying Mommy

Here are some words of advice from a mom who knows: prayer works. It has been working since God created man, but more specifically, it has been working for me since Friday.

With me at my wits end and embarrassingly clueless as to how to handle my toddler, I settled for what should have been my first resort, not my last resort: Prayer. Why didn't I think of or do this sooner? I purchased Dr. Dobson's book The Strong Willed Child last summer and only recently began reading it in the last two months. Dobson wrote in his book about a couple with a strong-willed child who began laying hands on and praying over their child each night after she had fallen asleep. Don't get me wrong, I pray for my child all the time, but this prayer was more purposeful. It was a prayer specifically to cast out the defiant, disobedient will, while praying for the fostering and cultivating of the child's good and true inner spirit.

It was Thursday night when I began earnestly praying with a purpose. If you recall from previous posts, Thursday was the climax of all the toddler-ness that possessed my child. David was sent home from school for drawing blood and was having an all-together horrible day. Make that, week. I wanted no part of repeating those kind of days, so I got on my knees, so to speak.

I prayed that God would hold David's little heart in His hand. I prayed for God's guidance as he went through His day. I prayed that his defiant and disobedient will would be cast out. I prayed that the true wonderful spirit of David would be fostered and cultivated. I prayed that God would fill David with gentleness, kindness, and compassion. I prayed for patience and wisdom as a parent. I stood over his bed and I prayed and I prayed and then I prayed some more. Tears streamed down my face as I prayed for my little boy. God answers prayer.

Now, I didn't awake on Friday morning to find myself the mommy of a Stepford child who spoke in complete and polite sentences, who sat in his seat for the entire meal, who never got upset when I said no, and who quietly and happily played with toys as I cooked and cleaned. No, I was still the mommy to a 2.5 year curious little boy. However, there was a difference, not only in David, but in his mommy. I had completely and unabashedly given it over to God. And, because I had done so, God was able to do what God does best: be God.

It has been several days now and everynight I have crept into David's room and quietly placed my hand on him and prayed a little prayer for that sweet boy. And everyday I am witness to God's power and faithfulness. I am sure that there will be days when it seems that my prayers hadn't worked, but I know better. On days like those, I will just prayed harder.

God is good. All the time!

The Mis-Adventures of Toddler-dom

There are several things that the mom of a toddler may encounter that no one ever tells you about. Here are some of my funny, silly, or wild moments as the mother of a rambunctious 28 month old boy:

There was the time David found a little treasure on the floor left by our then new dog Sammy. It was poop. It was all over his hand.

There is the spontaneous throwing of objects, hitting, and biting.

There was the kissing game he played in a restaurant booth in which he walked on the seat back and forth between Andrew and I, kissing each of us over and over.

There are the requests for hugs whenever he is in trouble or is asked to do something he doesn't want to do.

There are the times when he recognizes dog poop on the ground and then purposely stomps his foot in it.

There are the times when he puts his food-laden hands into his hair making it sticky, mushy, smelly, wet, crusty, and/or goopey.

There are the times when he falls from a chair, couch, high-chair, bed, etc., onto usually a hard tile floor, of course, hitting his head first.

There was the time I left a restaurant with mud and dirt all over one pant leg from David putting his dirty shoes on my leg under the table.

There is the using the term ketchup to label all kinds of dip or sauce. Not to mention the using of acutal ketchup on unorthodox foods, like a chocolate chip granola bar.

There is not wanting to eat his own food and wanting what Mommy and Daddy are eating. We are eating the same thing.

There is the single-handed breaking of the toliet tank lid by pulling it down onto the floor.

There are the times when he poops in the bathtub, while taking a bath.

There are also the times when we cuddle in bed to watch Elmo, or when he falls asleep in my arms, or when he calls for me in the morning when he wakes up, or when he sees me arrive to get him from school and he runs up to give me a big hug. No one tells you about these either. Its good, bad, and ugly, but it's a wonderful adventure that I wouldn't trade for anything.

A Destructable Force of Nature Called David

In this week's installment of "Words of Advice from a Mom Who Knows"....

There is no such thing as an item that can't or won't survive the gentle touch of a toddler's hand. Just in case you were wondering, a 55 year old home with its original 55 year old toliet can have the toliet's tank lid pulled off by a 2 year old and the tank lid can and will fall to the floor and break into pieces. And, chances are you won't be able to replace the tank lid to match the original 55 year old toliet and will therefore have to replace the entire toliet. The. Entire. Toliet.

Don't say you haven't been warned.

Trust Me When I Tell You This

Another installment of "Words of Advice from a Mom Who Knows"...

After playing in the backyard and having your son on your lap to console him from a fall, do not assume that the brown stuff on your pants from little shoes is dirt. It might not be. And when you try to brush it off and it smears and gets on your hand, it's not good.

Just sayin'.

Housekeeping for Working Moms 101

Ahhhh, the life of a working mom. Up at 5:30am. Shower. Let the dogs out. Get myself ready. Wake my son. Get my son ready. Feed and lock up dogs. Run through my mental checklist of everything we need. Out the door. Drop off David at school. Get to work. Begin my 2nd job of teaching school. And that's all by 7am! Needless to say, housekeeping is not my favorite pasttime. By the time I end my day, I don't have the energy or motivation to do any kind of tidying, picking up, cleaning, washing, or otherwise. Thank God for the cleaning lady! She is worth her weight in gold to come every other week to do the deep cleaning. Now I do have to break down and do some cleaning in between. Especially with a toddler, a husband, and two canines, my house needs more TLC than any well-intentioned maid or weary mom can provide.

So, tonight, after teaching all day, picking up David from school, feeding, bathing, and bedding the little tike, the last thing this working mom wanted to do was pick up the remnants of a toy yielding toddler. So, my solution to making my home appear less like a war zone was the following: 1) use my feet to "sweep" the toys into one pile near the toy cubbies, 2) move seemingly previously organized piles of miscellaneous items around to look neater, 3) throw away a few items obviously destined for the garbage, 4) rewash the load of laundry sadly forgotten about and left in the washer overnight, and 5) put rewashed items in the dryer and wash another load of laundry in order to rid the floor of one more pile of clothes. Rome wasn't built in a day, how can I be expected to clean up this place in an evening?

Some may think it's laziness, but I'm a working mom, people...gimme a break!

I Hate Murphy and His Stupid Laws

Please take note: If you can help it, never, I repeat, NEVER, get sick while your spouse is hunting and unreachable by telephone, your child is showing symptoms of being body snatched by a demonic alien toddler, you have to teach school, and your mother lives hours away by car and is also sick. Just trust me on this one.

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Twos

Whoever experienced the "Terrible Twos" must have had it easy. Terrible is the understatement of the century. It's more like the "Demon Possessed, Epically Terrible Twos".

Yeah, that sounds about right.


So, I have compiled a list of the Top 10 Signs Your Child May be in the "Terrible Twos":

10. When you enter your child's room first thing in the morning to awake them they say, "No!".

9. When asked by the parent to hand-over an object in the child's possession, he/she first motions as if obeying, then, while giving you the stink-eye, throws said object onto the ground.

8. After asking a second time for said object, the child kicks the object across the floor.

7. When picked up at the end of a long day of school, the child does not want to leave with you and waves and says "Bye-bye" while walking away from you.

6. When the child is angry or upset, he/she attempts to hit AND kick you and any nearby objects.

5. At bedtime the child refuses to say "Nite, nite, mommy/daddy", but will not stop saying "Bye-bye, Elmo".

4. When asked to do, or not do something, the child looks intently at you and with great satisfaction does the exact opposite of what you requested.

3. You feel as if your child dislikes you immensely and you pretty much feel like a failure as a parent.

2. You wonder what you have done wrong in the 2 short years spent raising the child.

And, the #1 sign your child is in the "Terrible Twos"....

1. They are 2 years old!

Words of Advice from a Mom Who Knows

This will be an ongoing post in which I will impart my infinite wisdom on the adventures (correction: misadventures) of motherhood.

Today's installment...

Always take great caution when your child enthusiastically approaches you with a smelly, brown substance on their hand. It will be in your best interest to wash said child's hand of said substance immediately. If you need to use an entire bottle of liquid soap to do so, then so be it.